Friday, April 30, 2010

Bullies in School

Parents of these School  Bullies, where are you? Most parents know what type of child they are raising, you can't say that you did not know that your child  was causing havoc or causing grief to another child. If you are in the same household and parenting your children, then you have an inkling of what your child may be doing just by the conversation they hold, the friends they hang around with and their general attitude.
Most parents might say " I am not teaching them to be a bully", of course not, but it is up to you to pay close attention to your child when suspected of such a vile act and do something about it.
This act of bulling is causing other children to suffer and is unjust, such as little Phoebe, who ended her life due the pressure of bulling from the kids in her school. So very sad,  because it did not have to happen to her or anyone else.
Of all the children in that school, none of them told their parents, and if so no one did anything about it. You might say " my child was not involved". Well if we continue to let it happen, it will eventually be your child or some one's child. There seems to be a secrecy revolving around the bulling, which means if a child is bullied they had better not tell or else. Children need to be told it is the right thing to do, and that is to tell a parent or school counselor or an adult, not their friends, because they are afraid also. Bullies need proffessional help.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Google Sidewiki entry by sandra

Thanks Google sidewiki, for bringing these things to me, where as I don't have to hunt for them and figure out what it is for. Keep up the good work. Your explanations are quite clear.
in reference to: Sidewiki: Getting started guide - Toolbar Help (view on Google Sidewiki)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Children and the learning process

Parents tend to use words that are not understandable to small children, an example is presented here.

" Mommy and the Coffee Table Lessons"
A little preschooler was affectionately called "Baby", even though she was close to entering pre-school. Nonetheless, Baby did not mind at all, she loved everything about her mommy, a soft spoken warm ,loving and always smiling women." Baby, come give mommy a hug", was heard each and every day. Mommy always made a practice of calling  Baby to the little wood coffee table in the living room, the coffee table had a glass top with lots of pictures under it, which were visible at all times. Mommy would ask Baby, "now do you remember who this is"? This practice occurred every Sunday, and in case Baby forgot what mommy had told her, mommy would gently remind her. This is your mother and  father, your cousin and so on.

Baby was so eager to please mommy, but being the young child that she was, Baby sometimes forgot who was who on the glass top coffee table.This was a parents method as to teaching a child something that would be vitally important.
An occasion presented itself where most of the family would be together with mommy and Baby among them. All the little children and mommies and daddies alike.There was one slightly older child that was hanging around Baby, when something went terribly wrong. The young child blurted out to Baby, " she is not your mommy! Baby's eyes glared back at the older child as though she had been slapped and she started crying as though she had been, Everyone started to gather around including mommy and heard Baby telling the other child "she is so my mommy", and to stop saying those bad things.

It was obvious that Baby did not understand the word mother used in her coffee table lessons. We as parents must explain things to children in a term or in terms that they understand in order for our parenting methods to be effective.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Protection of our Children - Paddling, Spanking

Before we can solve one issue another pops up. Paddling in schools? By whom and for what reasons? It has been determined that paddling or spanking could be harmful to any child.Why would any parent want a teacher or anyone else outside of their home given authority to hit, paddle as a form of discipline? Teachers are good at what they do and are trained for that purpose , but that does not mean that they are qualified to render corporal punishment.
Have the teachers been screened and trained and had their emotional stability tested to be able to determine if they are suitable for paddling some-one's child  as a form of discipline?

We as parents are teaching not to hit anyone. How can we as parents agree to paddling in schools? The issue of discipline should be directed back to the parents, for they are responsible for their child's well-being.
When a child displays unacceptable  behavior or is disruptive in school, the parents should be notified and  be directed to proper professionals to assist them in correcting the problem.
Our children do not need to be put in a position that reflects the notion that it is alright to be hit by anyone or a designated person outside of their home.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Authoritarian Parenting

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept her on a tight leash. They rarely considered her feelings about anything, showing a complete lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. If she came home five minutes late from school or from an activity, she was punished. Yelling and hitting were their most acclaimed forms of punishment.

Angie was a great girl. She did well in school and did what she was told, but was almost always sad and lonely and never felt important. When she married and had her own children, she knew that she didnt want to treat her children the way she had been treated. She wanted to ponder their feelings and needs. She wanted them to feel valued and important.

Angie was a very loving mother. She spent lots of instant with her children, playing with them, listening to them, and giving them much affection and approval. However, because it was so vital to Angie that her children feel valued and important, she fairly often put herself aside and gave in to their demands. Because Angie had never felt important, it was user friendly to put herself aside. She actually believed that her childrens feelings and needs were more important than hers. As a result, Angie swung the other way from her own upbringing and became a permissive parent.

The consequences for Angie of authoritarian parenting was that she didnt worth herself. The results for her children of permissive parenting was that her children grew up with entitlement issues, thinking they were more important than others, and fairly often not being caring and respectful toward others.

Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting. Loving parenting is parenting that values both the parents and the childrens feelings and needs. Loving parents do not attempt to control their children other than in actual situations of health and safety - nor do they allow their children to control them. They do not violate their children with anger, blame, or hitting, nor do they allow their children to violate them. They do not expect their children to give themselves for others, nor do they give themselves up for their children.

Loving parents are parents who deeply assessment of worth themselves enough to not worry about being rejected by their children. They are willing to set solid limits on unacceptable behavior and are not available to being manipulated by their children. Their identities are not tied into their childrens performance in school or in other activities, such as sports. Nor are their identities tied up in how their children look. They are accepting of who their children are as individuals, even when their children are very different from them. They do not impose their way of being onto their children, yet at the identical measure they solidly reinforce a assessment of worth system that includes honesty, integrity, caring, compassion, kindness and empathy.

As much as we want to be loving parents, unless we have done our own inner work to heal our own deep fears of rejection and domination, we will automatically be acting out of these fears without being consciously aware of it. If you grew up with fears of rejection and/or domination, you will automatically protect against these fears in your relationships with your children. You might find yourself trying to control them out of a fear of being controlled or rejected by them. You might be controlling with your anger or with your giving in and giving yourself up. Fears of rejection may manifest with children through trying to control them with anger, or through trying to control their love through giving yourself up to them. Fears of domination may manifest through controlling them with anger or violence to avoid being controlled by them. Insecurities can manifest through attempting to get your children to perform in the way you want in order to define your value.

In one way or another, whatever is unhealed within you will surface in your behavior with your children. Raising healthy children means first healing the wounded child within you the part of you that has your fears and insecurities, and your target to protect against rejection and domination.

Our society has swung back and forth between authoritarian and permissive parenting and the result of both is far less than desirable. We have only to look at the number of people acquiring antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, as well as the number of alcoholics and drug addicts, as well as the rise of crime and the number of people in prisons, to understand that neither method works to raise healthy individuals.

Perhaps it is measure to accept that we need to be in the process of healing ourselves before becoming parents.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Parental methods successful

There are many children that have shown that the parental guidance they received was successful. I am so proud of them and their parents. Job well done! Their input is much needed to assist those parents that are having difficulty and are not clear as to how to handle certain situations and juggle their limited time in this busy world of ours,and keep on top of the parental methods needed.Sharing ideas or suggestions such as to where to get help or try a different method would be helpful.

These are issues that need to be addressed as a community in order to help each other save all of our children.

Let us communicate with each other, share methods of what worked for you and what didn't. In doing so we all will learn something.

If we could find out why children or preteens make the decisions that they make, we would be a step ahead.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Warning signs

Can it be said that children and young adults are imitating their peers, or what they are hearing and seeing in our social society? The major issue is, are these actions and negative thoughts started at home and why?
I would differ to say that what we are seeing today is unacceptable
behavior by far. We need more updated information and studies to help identify the warning signs as to when our children are not really coping with their everyday functions, and why.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Parental Methods

This post raises questions about the parental methods used to guide our children in today's world.

Focusing on the real world as it is today, means that new guidelines and advice need to be put in place,before the horrific act occurs, not after it's too late. Is anyone offering help to parents these days as to what should be done about certain situations that are occurring now?

At home, must to be the starting point. It is apparent that parenting has become an overwhelming task and it's understandable.The Parents plates are really full, considering the economy,work, after school interests and other social demands . Where is the time coming from needed to provide quality and strong loving guidance to our children?